The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in city locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay men desire to find out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing this rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based great site upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Comments on “The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium”

Leave a Reply

Gravatar